Happy Halloween!

Despite being nervous about Lily coming tomorrow, and feeling a little icky with preeclampsia, we had such a great night.  Our sweet neighbors invited us to come over with the rest of the block and eat hot dogs and chili.  After dinner, the husbands took the children trick-or-treating, and the wives sat at the end of the cul-de-sac passing out candy and chatting.  We love, love, love our street and our neighbors.

Happy Halloween, everyone!

Tomorrow?

We very likely will meet Lily tomorrow!  We went to the OB this morning, and I am SO glad that she and my high risk doc are back in town.  I made it through the whole week without them last week, but started not feeling right yesterday.  My blood pressure started going up, I was seeing spots, and I looked puffier than I ever remember looking pregnant.  My OB saw me and said  I either already have preeclampsia or it is setting in and ordered a test that takes 24 hours to assess how bad it is.  We talked her into letting us go home for the time being, and check in to the hospital tomorrow morning unless things take a turn for the worse.  I so wanted to see Avery in her costume.  I am seeming to get worse, but not bad enough yet to warrant going in. 

My OB told us it is very, very likely Lily is coming tomorrow.  She took me off all of the contraction stopping meds, and also, they won't let me try to carry her longer with preeclampsia.  It's just too risky.  We are praying we make it through the night.  I'm anxious and excited.  Lily is still about a half week shy of full term, but we got a lot further than we did with Avery and the preeclampsia I had with her.  I pray Lily arrives truly having defied all the odds - completely without any defect - internal or external.  Please pray with us for this.

Documenting

In late September, we had some really special photos taken.  We had settled into the house, finished all the renovations our budget would allow (plus some unexpected ones), and generally calmed down.  This left me lots of time and mental space to think about Lily coming.  Everything was looking fabulous on her ultrasounds, and I know God is capable of delivering to us a perfectly healthy baby despite all the early indications that she is very sick, but I felt a need to do some preparing.  I wanted to be sure that no matter what the outcome of her birth, we had documentation of her life inside me and the joy she has brought us. 

Our good friend, Veronica, who works at Early Childhood Intervention, and has been Avery’s developmental specialist since birth, put us in touch with an amazing woman.  Jennifer Maler (Red Balloon Photography) gladly took on the task of documenting Lily’s life and did so with compassion, sympathy, and an incredible ability to capture emotion.  She also realized, more than I did, the need to include Mario and Avery in many of these photos rather than just take shots of my humungous tummy.  She even snuck in a few candid pictures of Avery that are now some of our favorite photos.  I regret that we didn’t have Katie with us so she could be in them too. 

I’m still at home on modified bed rest, and so thankful to have made it almost another full week with Lily tucked safely inside.  My Dr. will be back Sunday and I see her Monday morning.  The plan is that she will be taking me off all my contraction stopping meds, and as soon as Lily tells us it’s time, we will let her come on out via c-section.  Monday is Halloween, and Wednesday is my birthday, so Tuesday would be nice, but we would be happy to meet her any day of the week.  I hope and pray that we will soon be sharing tons of new baby pics of Lily, so I want to make sure we get these precious photos shared now:

Stone Cold Normal

The last few weeks have really been tiring.  Here’s the update: Right now, we are 35 weeks and 5 days pregnant.  I’ve been having preterm contractions of varying intensities and at varying intervals for the last two weeks, but we have managed to keep Lily safe in my belly with a combination of hospital bed rest, home bed rest, and various medications to slow down the contractions and keep me from going into labor.  The goal is to keep her in until at least Sunday night so that:  1. Her lungs can further develop, and 2. My doctor and my high risk OB are back in town.  They are presently attending a conference in the Bahamas.  With all of Lily’s issues, I would rather she not be delivered by an on-call Dr. from another practice, no matter how competent he is. 

I’m at home now, and am intensely frustrated to not be able to do very much on modified bed rest.  I especially miss my time with Avery during the day.  I am so grateful to be out of the hospital, though.  Some of those exhausted and devoted mommies on the antepartum unit had been there for 12 weeks!  I can’t imagine being away from my family and lying in a bed in a hospital for 12 weeks.  Thinking about this makes our situation seem much more palatable. 

We are managing pretty well with some help.  Avery stays with her usual sitter during the day, and Mario has cancelled some work and revised his schedule at the church so that he can be home in the evenings. A good friend of ours is giving Katie a lot of extra attention and school help.   I’ve done all of the family meal planning from my reclining command post.   I tell Mario what to buy and give step by step instructions on how to prepare it.  I’ve found he has a lot more cooking skill than he has ever let on.  I’m usually the chef in our house, but he may be making dinner a little more often now that his secret is out.  With a little coaching, he can make a lot more than brownies and breakfast foods!  He really is such a multi-talented man.

Lots of people have offered to bring us a meal, but because we are doing OK for now, we’ve asked them to wait until after Lily comes, when we will undoubtedly need ALL of those dinners.  Thanks, friends!  We are so blessed to have you all in our lives, praying for us and giving us practical help during this time. 

Yesterday, when we saw our OB, she reminded us that Lily may still have significant problems.  She explained, again, that though Lily looks, as she always says, “stone cold normal” now, we still do not know what caused her cystic hygroma and her hydrops earlier in the pregnancy.  We may never know.  She may come out and actually be, medically “stone cold normal,” but we’ve been duly reminded that we do not have assurance of this.  Because we are lacking this worldly assurance, I am clinging to those things of which I can always be assured:  God loves us and has a plan for our lives.  This includes Lily, no matter how long, or short, or difficult, or simple her life might be. 

In my eyes, Lily could never be “stone cold normal.”  Her life is a miracle.  She was created and sustained in my womb by God despite what anyone predicted for her.  She has brought joy and depth to my life and the lives of countless others.  I would much rather she has this legacy, no matter what may lie ahead for her, than she be “normal.”  I do pray, though, that God would allow her physical and cognitive health as part of her testimony.  Thank you for continuing to pray for her with us.  I will keep you posted!

Feeling Funny

I’ve been meaning to post and share that my blood pressure has been great.  In fact, it started going down almost as soon as I published the last post.  Thanks, thanks, thanks for the prayers.  We have some great prayer warriors out there. 

Today, we spent a good portion of the day in labor and delivery.  We were not on a tour.  I started feeling funny last night, but thought it was the chili I had made, because Mario felt a little funny too.  By about 2 am, I was complaining that my stomach felt like it was cramping and I wondered a little if this could be what contractions feel like.  I didn’t have them with Avery at all before her C-Section.  They stopped early this morning, so I did two loads of laundry, baked a chicken, and played baby doll with Avery.  We’re working on not stabbing the baby in the eye with the toy bottle.  The weird feelings started up again a few hours later, and by the time I put Avery down for nap at noon, I could tell that something really might be wrong.  I’d been trying to tell myself it wasn’t for over half a day.   I don’t know why I always try to talk myself out of things being really wrong. I don’t think this way often, and I usually am right to begin with.

The doctor’s office was closed for lunch, so I decided to put sleeping Avery in the car and head that direction since it’s a 30 minute drive and they would be back in by the time I arrived.  Mario had a lunch break and said he could meet me there.  I assumed I would get checked out, told I was imagining things, and sent home.  Nope.  We landed in labor and delivery observation at Women’s Hospital.  The funny feelings were big contractions that, when we arrived there, were about 6 minutes apart, and within a half hour, were 3-5 minutes apart.  I don’t know if seeing them on a screen made them feel worse, or they actually got stronger, but I was not comfortable.  Gentle, nurturing Mario patted me and asked if I would like to squeeze his hand.  I had never, until that moment, understood why women in labor in movies always sound so angry.  I told Mario that I did not want to squeeze his hand;  I wanted to kick him.  I would have said other things, but Avery was still there.  My sweet friend Heather picked her up a few minutes later, and I got to quit fake smiling and gritting my teeth.  And then the first contraction-stopping injection (yes, first) kicked in.  I felt like I was having a contraction, but that my stomach was full of fuzzy caterpillars, or sliced kiwi, or maybe moth balls.  I asked the nurse if this was normal, and she assured me that though she had never heard it described that way, it was completely normal.  I wasn’t able to be so creatively descriptive with the second shot.  More caterpillars, but my heart also started beating a million (120) beats per minute.  I’ve never experienced a panic attack, but I now know that all that good self- talk I preach about is really pretty useless at that moment.  God talk works a lot better.  I did a lot of talking to God.  I asked him to please keep Lily safe, to quiet my heart, remove the caterpillars, and spare me the dreaded third shot with which I was being threatened.  He did.  In fact, we didn’t see another contraction on the screen that hour, and were sent home. 

We’re home now.  Avery is wearing Mario’s baseball cap and ripping up a catalogue; I’ve sent Mario back to the store for the second time to grab yet another item I forgot earlier this week, and Katie is at a football game with some friends of ours. 

I’m always thrilled when God shows off what He can do in our lives and I get to be part of it, but I’d like to not repeat the events of this particular day.  Could you please talk to God for us?  Ask him to quiet my heart, keep Lily safe, and let us stay home a few weeks longer? 

Little Scare

We are not at church this morning.  Mario is working, and Avery and I are at home.  I really long to be there listening to a great Bible Study lesson and sermon, singing praises, and fellowshipping with friends, but we’re having a little scare.  My blood pressure has shot up pretty suddenly and I’m having a hard time keeping it down despite being on meds for it. It’s not in the danger zone yet, but it’s creeping pretty close.   I noticed it because I wasn’t feeling quite right yesterday, and because we are supposed to be watching diligently  for any rise in blood pressure.  When I was pregnant with Avery, it started really rising at about 30 weeks, and I was put on bed rest.  The situation got dangerous enough for both of us that they had to deliver her at 35 weeks.  The risk for having preeclampsia a second time is pretty substantial, so we have been watching.  Pre-e is a condition that only occurs in pregnant women after 20 weeks of pregnancy.  The exact cause is unclear, but it is characterized by high blood pressure and swelling that can lead to seizures, problems with the mommy's liver and kidneys, and lack of nutrition to the baby.  The standard care is bed rest and blood pressure medication, but the only cure is to deliver the baby.   We want Lily to have every possible advantage given all of her potential challenges, and coming early would not be what’s best for her.  Please, please pray that this is not the start of preeclampsia, and that at my Dr. apt tomorrow afternoon, we are able to find a way to keep me pregnant quite a while longer. 

I also seem to be coming down with a cold.  I’ve had a nasty cough keeping me up at night for the past two nights, and today I have a sore throat and slightly stuffy nose.  Avery is sneezing, so I’m sure I won’t be alone in my discomfort. 

I’m worried.  I know I shouldn’t be.  I know God has it all under control.  I mean really, if He can handle major malformations and nearly non-existent chances of Lily surviving, what’s some blood pressure and a silly cold?  I wish I could get my heart caught up with my brain on this.  I think it’s going to take some serious prayer time.  I keep chasing “What ifs.”  What if I have to go on bed rest?  How will I take care of Avery?  What if Lily comes early and we have a long NICU stay like we did with Avery?  How can we give both babies the attention they need?  I always want to have a plan, and some of these problems don’t leave us with many solutions.  We don’t have family anywhere nearby who could come help out.  Again, I need to really, fully know that God does have a plan for all of this that will bring glory to Him, even if I have no idea what that plan looks like or how we fit in. 

Please pray for Lily’s and my health, and for peace, increased faith, and continued joy in this journey for Mario and me.