Uncomfortable

I am trying to cement in my mind that tomorrow will be the climax of the amazing testimony of Lily's life, and I'm struggling. I'm vacillating  between confidently knowing The Gracious God Who Loves Us is in ultimate control, and panicking at all the possible outcomes. I've shed more than a few anxious, scared tears today. I suppose that's pretty normal, if there is a normal for this situation. 

In the event that you've not followed the blog from the beginning, here's a very condensed recap:  Lily was found to have a large cystic hygroma and fetal hydrops at 11 weeks gestation.  She was given a 1 in 3000 chance of surviving even to birth. She has completely defied all the odds. Her hygroma shrunk and her hydrops resolved. She has no detectable chromosomal abnormalities and looks great on ultrasound. I give God all the glory for these miracles and am so thankful for all who have prayed for Lily. 

 Our physicians have told us repeatedly that not everything is visible on ultrasound, and there are many things we won't know until Lily arrives. Tomorrow, we will know. When we first were told there were problems, I struggled with not knowing, not being in control. I learned, over a long stretch of time, to surrender this worry to God, and I found joy in Him and His creation of Lily's life in my womb.  We've celebrated her life every step of the way.  I've grown past worrying about not knowing. 

 Now, tonight, I'm terrified about knowing.  I sort of would rather go on not knowing. I'm comfortable here. But I know God doesn't call us to a life of comfort. I'm learning this in this situation and several others. There's no change or growth in comfort.   What  amazing testimonies of who God is have you heard from people who have always been comfortable?  What men and women of faith do you remember from the Bible being comfortable?  I'm pretty convinced that to really experience God moving in my life, I have to be at least willing to be intensely uncomfortable.   

When you pray for us tonight, and early tomorrow when Lily comes out to meet us, please do pray she is strong and healthy and untainted by any of her earlier problems. Please do pray for my health and safety. Don't linger too long, though, praying for our comfort. Pray instead that God is glorified in whatever happens, and that we have the strength of faith to embrace Him in whatever circumstance awaits us.